I totally stole this post from my friend Simon, over at "More Punk Than Me". So I give my apologies up front. But this was too funny to pass up. It's from Eddie Izzard, a British comedian (?):
"But there must have been a Deathstar canteen, yeah? There must have been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go down: (Vader voice) "I will have the penne a la arabiata." (canteen server) "You'll need a tray." "Do you know who I am?" "Do you know who I am?" "This is not a game of who the heck are you. For I am Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought!" "Well you'll still need a tray." "No I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force - which is strong within me - even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor…" "No, the food is hot. You'll need a tray to put the food on." "Oh I see, the food is hot. I'm sorry I, I did not realise. Hah hah! I thought you were challenging me to a fight to the death." "Fight to the death? This is canteen, I work here." "Yes, but I am Vader, I am Lord Vader. Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death. Lord Vader. Darth Vader, I am Darth Vader, Lord Vader. Sir Lord Vader, Sir Lord Darth Vader. Lord Darth Sir Lord Vader of Cheam. Sir Lord Baron von Vaderham. The Deathstar. I run the Deathstar." "What's the Deathstar?" (Darth is losing a bit of patience) "This is the Deathstar. You're in the Deathstar. I run this star." "This is a star?" "This is a star - I run it. I'm your boss." "You're Mr Stephens?" "No, I'm… who is Mr Stephens?" "He's head of catering." "I'm not head of catering! I am Vader. I can kill catering with a thought." "What?" "I can kill you all. I can kill me with a thought. Just... I'll get a tray, forget it!"